The idea for this article came when I was watching an old episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air the other day. Will was in a bar and delivered one of the funniest pick up lines I’ve heard in awhile. He walked up behind some very attractive woman, put his phone down in front of her, and said, “Why don’t you put your number in that before I don’t want it anymore more.” Obviously, no one makes things sound cool like the Fresh Prince, but you’d have to be a total troll to not to at least get a smile with that one.  (Note – Will didn’t really have a cell phone when he did it, but that’s how the cell phone version would have gone down.)

Will Smith makes it look easy on TV, but a friend of mine actually pulled this next one off in real life. Tom, we’ll call him, swung by the local Wal-Mart on his way to the bar, and picked up the cheapest pre-paid phone he could find. When he met us at the bar, he loaded the phone up with a 20 minute card and then called his own phone, declined the call, and then saved the number as “The Chosen One.” As the night went on, we had forgotten about the whole plan in the making until Tom said, “There she is. The hottest girl of the night.” Before we could ask what was going on, he was on his way over to her table. When he got there, he smiled at her, took the cell phone out of his pocket, put it on the table in front of her, and said, “I’ll call you later,” then walked away. We were all impressed that he had the balls to attempt such a pre-meditated hail Mary, but our awe turned to worship when we found out that they talked for an hour later that night and then met up for dinner the following.

These two are just straight up awesomely bad pick up lines that require a cell phone for the full affect. Number one: “Pardon me, but I lost my phone number. Can I borrow yours?” Number two: “There is something wrong with my cell phone. It doesn’t have your number in it.” If you decide to actually take these out into the field, you’d better consult Will Smith himself for some delivery tips.

If you are up for doing a little acting, this one should definitely work, especially if your potential pick up is on the shallower side. This pick up routine works best if you have a phone that gets a quick Internet connection. When you are at the bar, bring a buddy and work your way within earshot of your potential pick up. Once in place, visit http://popularitydialer.com/ from your phone, where you can program the website’s auto-dialer to call yourself. Schedule the website to call you every 45 seconds or so. The website allows five free scheduled calls, which should be more than enough to get the point across. Once your phone starts ringing, get ready to drop the following, “Ah man, I hooked up with this girl the other night, and she will not stop calling!” Follow it up on the next call with something along the lines of, “This must be like the 20^th call today.” If you can get creative enough with your reactions, your desired pick up should be unable to resist commenting on the situation… and there is your window. Note – If you do not have internet on your phone, just have your buddy dial you repeatedly from his pocket.

This last one is of my own creation, but it involves a bit of risk and relies heavily on timing. You also need a wingman. If you see a woman you’d like to pick up, you need to make sure that you get a seat at the bar next to her. Before you do, however, re-program your buddy’s name in your phonebook to read: “You are really cute, please answer me.” After you’ve been sitting next to the woman long enough to have established yourself as a non-threat, wait for her to turn away and then place your phone as close to her drink as possible. Make a quick exit to a place where you can still see the girl. When you are sure that she has noticed that you’ve left your phone, call your phone from your buddy’s. Once she answers, you’re on your own.